Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
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