I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
