I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
