I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
