How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
