Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
