Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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