Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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