So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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