So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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