I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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