Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
