Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Randomize
