she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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