my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
