I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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