are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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