You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
