you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
