I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
