she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Randomize
