he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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