Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
