There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
