whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
