oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
