Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
