WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
