well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
