dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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