Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
