Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
