Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I want to make a zoo with you.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
