um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
