triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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