I need help removing her.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
