update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
