you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
