I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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