Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I queefed so loud it echoed.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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