I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
