Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
