He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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