You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
