Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
