Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
