i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
