I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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