my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
what day is it and did you see me today?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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