I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
