I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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