you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
