he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
