need another drink. this is the easiest way
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
