at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
